Growing Pains: Realizing my little girl isn’t so little

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Me: Walking into her bedroom to tuck her in, “What are doing baby girl?” As I watch her rustle around under her blanket.

Makayla: “nothing” she says as she pulls her cover up fast and puts her hands together, with one of those {I’m not telling you glares}

Me: “You were doing something”, my interest is raised…what could she be hiding. I walk towards her bed for a story and kisses.

Makayla: tensing up as I move closer, “Oh my knee was itchy mommy, I was just scratching it.”

Me: oh please let it be true……this can’t be {that} moment. I pull her blanket back (just to check her knee, it could be a rash,right). I go in for my hug then do the quick mommy maneuver and YES I CAUGHT YOU, oh no I did catch you. I hold up this little plastic Minnie Mouse as my eyes fill with tears because I just realized I caught my sweet little girl in a lie. “MAKAYLA, you lied to me! That hurts mommy, you know we can’t play with toys when its bedtime. Im taking this good night.” I try rushing out because my face feels hot and my eyes my start to leak.

Makayla: “Mommy you forgot my kiss…..you are going to still give me one, right?” 

Me: oh baby girl, still sweet just growing up. “Yes baby, sorry I forgot, love you sleep tight.”

I walk into my bedroom and look at my husband who is already in bed, he gives me this puzzled look and I toss him the toy. I simply say “shes growing too fast and I just caught her in her first lie lie” (you know what I mean, she came up with an excuse she could have stuck with nothing!) My darling of a husband just says “and you think this is the first?” I roll my eyes he doesn’t understand it but oh his time will come when she has her first crush.

This event keeps playing over and over in my head, why is it so hard for me to get a handle on this situation? Am I thinking to much? Taking it too serious? She is only six, it was harmless. But how do I make sure this doesn’t happen again? Did I handle it right? Why does my heart still ache? As these questions keep festering in my mind I simple think back to her baby and toddler days. I still see the girl who use to run around saying “you sue me” when we would scare her, and I see spiky pigtails. I often look over the young lady she is becoming. Those pigtails are being traded in for french braids, and her instead of pronouncing a whole word wrong she is learning how to read words.

And this little girl has blessed me beyond words, in ways she will never understand and a few that one day at the right time I will tell her. She has been my rock in times I thought I would surly shatter, her simple words often distracted me from thoughts that consumed me and she is a big reason I am the mom I am today. I often let my desire to control everything hold Makayla back from growing up, but as I see daily There is only so much as mommy you can do because they figure it out on their own. So that is way I want to encourage her to be the best her. I pray the God shows me how, what and takes away my need for the why.

As a mother you have to think [what kind of person do I hope they become], when I think of that I picture a kind, giving, strong, confident, successful, inspirational and loving person. Now who do I raise that??? Honestly, I have NO CLUE, there really isn’t a manual or a 101 class, so all I can suggest is to show them your love for God, let them see you rely on him, pray for people and things. I want my daughter to see me love others, to see not only myself but my husband too put Him in our marriage, in our decisions. For her to see that going to church isn’t just a thing we do on Sundays but a way of life, a lifeline for us, one that goes beyond those doors and into our relationships with other people. The fact is they will become who they become based on their environment, whether they choose to be like you or nothing like you well that’s not our decision but the right now is!! I choose to just love her with all my might and all my heart, because last night isn’t going to be the last {oh my mommy} moment and she will do things that hurt my heart and I have to stay strong and have faith that the Lord will help guide me daily and my husband will be there to wipe those few tears and reassure me!ImageImage

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The real and real funny parts of being a mommy with a baby

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  1. Learning that your relationship with your husband just CHANGED (up to you to make it a great change).
  2. That feeling of “Oh My I can’t believe I love her so much” and “Oh my I don’t love her enough..the book says…..”
  3. uh-oh was it heheheohhhh or just heheohh……when do I do the dog pant?!!?? {labor pains}
  4. Feeling like you just won first place because you burped the baby and it was a good burp that didn’t end in you being covered in spit up. Thank goodness for remembering the burp cloth.
  5. Its normal that I use my phone app to track baby’s poop and pee, and its a normal convo with my hubby
  6. “Honey did I feed on the left or right last, I forgot to move the bracelet?” Husband: “Just feel your boob then you’ll know!”
  7. Knowing that its OK when at 3am your crying because the baby won’t latch, the husband won’t wake and your wondering why you even started this adventure (it does get better and you learn to whack the husband better haha).
  8. Comparing pictures on your phone because you are convinced baby grew more hair.
  9. That indescribably feeling when baby gives you their first grin….and you know it is the gas .
  10. Knowing exactly what your 6 month 3 week 5 day 10 hour 29 minute old baby should be able to do (aren’t phone apps great).
  11. Worrying how you will ever keep this baby safe in a world you just realized is so unsafe.
  12. That moment when you really understand all your mother sacrificed for you.
  13. Feeling proud and a little sad while rubbing your hands over what once was smooth skin
  14. Changing a diaper one handed blind folded because yes you are that skilled!
  15. Learning to cook, do laundry, pay bills, and text all one handed while nursing your baby.
  16. The best way to get baby to sleep is…yep getting in the car at 3am and driving around the neighborhood
  17. Smiling so big as your finally see hubby (who is 10 minutes late) pulling in from a 10 hour day just to hand him the baby to get a shower!!! (well it has been like a week)
  18. That moment when you give up on carrying a purse around, the diaper bag is bigger anyway.
  19. Using your grandmas teething secret (whiskey) then freaking out thinking you just made an alcoholic
  20. And the best…..realizing after the past year that from the very beginning, through all the uncertainty that you really did have “mothers intuition” just like everyone said you would.

Proverbs Confident Women

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Going along with my last post from Proverbs 31 I want to focus on verses 17-19, which describe a woman’s strength. God created us to be strong, capable, smart, providing women; and too often get so wrapped up in our relationships we lose ourselves. Proverbs 31:17 says “She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong.”  (girds: means encircle a persons body or part of person like a belt or band) This to me says that no matter what job title I take whether it be stay at home mom or fortune 500 CEO I am to do so with the strength Christ has given me. I am not made to be weak or let my skills diminish. I am made to stay busy, work with my hands and do so with love and determination. It is my job to stay strong in all I do, it is my job to grow in my work to keep Christ apart of my daily routine.

Proverbs 31:18 says: “She senses that her gain is good. Her lamp does not go out at night.” God has given us the knowledge to know when we are doing his work, and when we let him lead us through ours paths he blesses us beyond belief. Our gain is no doubt his work, his gift to us for following his way. For me my gain is my home, husband and children he has given to me, everything about them is good and amazing and I have the knowledge to know they are not of my own work but from his hands. His blessings continue they do not disappear in the night, or even with a hard season of life. These gains may be harder to spot when we wrap ourselves up in everyday life, they may seem to have faded into the background because we are so worried about the right now, but if we are quite and listen to the Holy Spirit we will then be able to sense all he has done for us and then we are able to open our eyes and see our gain.

I pray that each of you never forget the strength that God has for you even when you think your light is out and all is lost, he is still there lighting the way and building you up.

Much grace and many Blessings!

Worthy, Noble, Good….what God wants women to be

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So for the next week I have decided to dine into Proverbs 31 and really learn what God has always planned for me to be. How am to act, be seen by others, love, teach, the list really goes on. So each day this week we will dive into a section of verses and pull out some stuff as we dig further into his word.

I am started this year thanks to UVerse looking at scripture in different versions, finding the one that really puts it in a way for me to understand and when preparing for this weeks study I did the same and I loved how the title for this section (Proverbs 31) was written NASB used the word worthy woman, MSG:good wife, NIV: Noble character, all words that I would be more than glad to let describe me. So today we are going to look over Proverbs 31:10-12 using these three different versions.

All three versions explain how hard it is to find one of these wonderful, noble women……what…no I am right here and I have friends who are great and not hard to find. It goes on to describe their worth as above jewels, more than diamonds and rubies, ok now I don’t know if my husband would go that far to say about me but I think I am valuable. I do think that as women it is very important for us to learn our worth, this passage right here tells us that good intends for us to be very valuable. How do we come to this? I think we have to be raised to believe in our worth to many girls these day let everyday society cloud their judgment, they little belittling comments grasp at their hearts and then that give into temptations that should have never been their and when it is all said and done they see no worth they look at themselves as a cheap knock off instead of the valuable ruby they have always been deep inside. As a mother of two girls I know that daily my husband and I need to remind our daughters that they are worth everything, that God made them the way they are for a reason, to become something great. As a mother I need to set those examples, I need to love myself and understand my own worth. My husband needs to show through through our love that a real worthy woman is worth the wait, that she is all you need, that she is appreciated. How many of us today can say we think we are worth more than diamonds??? I surly don’t feel that way often but I do want my daughters to feel that way and if I had sons I would want my to find a girl who is good, worthy, and noble. So why is it that these women described in sc

Let the past be the past and move on….

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As 2013 is coming to an end I find myself reflecting back to everything that has happened this year, I mean its had its downs but the ups have out weighed anything and everything!!! My husband came off nights, we had our youngest in July after two years of trying, our oldest started kindergarten, I left my job to become a stay at home mommy, my husband meet the ceo of his company (ok I was on a high, she is an amazing powerful female role model), I got to go to Texas to see my family I hadn’t seen in a long time, I started teaching Sunday school and of course this blog!!!!

But I find this urge to really make 2014 my year as a wife, mother, woman, and christian. And I don’t mean lose weight and organize my house for the first week…maybe two. Even though they are on my to do list, I really want to make a big goal list and a game plan and do something with myself for the better. So whats on this list you ask, well here you go (we will start easy):

  • really organize the house, find places for stuff, get all the old, not used and just plain junk out, get a system in order to keep my home functional.
  • get in better shape, I am not going to say lose weight which would be ok, but I just want to feel good about myself. I also want to find ways to keep my kids active as well as my husband. Tackle our eating habits and work on them.
  • work on my parenting, I don’t feel we have a style and if we do I don;t know if we are on the same page. I want my husband and I to sit down and really decide how we want to handle issues and our goals for our daughters and how to help guide them through life’s twists and turns. Mainly I want to feel like a good mom, I feel so often out of control and out of reach, I have been so busy with all my changes I have lost sight they effect them too.
  • grow my love with my husband, I want to keep falling more in love. I want to remember why we feel in love and go back to doing the things that caused us to take that leap of faith. I want to work on keeping God in our marriage and an active part not just on the sidelines. I want to make us time no matter what because we have to be healthy first in order to teach our girls how to love others and how to be wives. 
  • *GOD* This is most important I want to completely dive into the Lord, I want to surround myself in his word, I want to walk and talk as he wants me to, I want others to see him spilling out of me and what that for themselves. I want to keep a routine for quiet devotion time for myself, my husband and our girls. I want to really become a good prayer, not one that says “I’ll keep you in my prayers” and never does, not one that bows her head and closes her eyes and gets lost in her millions of thoughts but really pray for everyone else, talk to God feel that connection get in touch with the holy spirit.

So there you have it, my big list to the best year yet. I am not sure how I am going to do it but I am and I am bringing my whole family into it and you are going to get to keep me accountable!!! So over these last few days of 2013 I am going to share my to do list, goals, how to and my game plans for each bullet point. What do you plan to change this new year and how are you going to make it happen?? Please comment and let me know!!!

Little Hands, Big hearts and Doing Gods Work

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Make sure you don’t take things for granted and go slack working for the common good; share what you have with others. God takes particular pleasure in acts of worship-a different kind of “sacrifice”-that take place in kitchen and workplace and on the streets. Hebrews 13:16 MSG

Yesterday my husband and I had the pleasure of teaching our oldest a very valuable lesson…To Give To Others WITHOUT Getting Anything In Return. My husbands work went out to a place called “The Hope Center”, a place that serves 3 meals a day to others who would others wise go hungry, he work asked associates and managers to volunteer their time to serve the food and just be involved with the people who were there. We decided that we wanted to do it as a family and take it as a chance to really help our 5 year old understand the true meaning of Christmas and working for Christ!! On the way there we explained to her that she was going to see people who were very hungry and very happy that we are their to serve them food. She asked typical questions such as why are they hungry? Where are their mommies? Is God going to be there to see me? We answered her questions the best we could, trying to keep it real but understandable. Now on her last question, oh did we both smile to get that opportunity to explain it to her. We told her yes God will be there watching over everyone, and yes he will be very happy to see you doing such a nice thing for others, But this is not why we do it. I told her that the good things we do are for Jesus because her wants us to give to others in need just as he gave his life for us but we don’t do it for the glory of ourselves but for the glory of Jesus, so that they may see him through us. She smiled and just ok, lets help out these people.

When we arrived she ran and gave hugs to the familiar faces of my old co-workers and my husbands co-workers, she found the desert table and looked at me but I can proudly say that she told me “I know these aren’t for me but boy God is happy these people get cake!” We got in position; my husband in the kitchen serving the meal, Makayla, myself with our youngest (5 months) strapped on at the desert table and these sweet, thankful, shy, smiling people got in line ready to eat. My daughters eyes got wide and she got very close to my side, but by ten people past she was smiling and answering people back, even the baby gave out smiles and helped warm a few hearts! By the end of it she was running around, answering questions, singing Christmas songs and still smiling. On the way home she said “Daddy can we do that again, I feel so good that all those people ate and we were there?” My husband with a big smile and a tear in his eye (he’ll deny that) said “Yes baby girl, we will soon.”

Later that night as I went to check on my sleeping babies and pull their covers up I just smiled and thought God is good, I am blessed that I am able to serve others and I hope that I can always teach my girls through my actions to be giving daughters of Christ and not daughters that always expect something back or prayers to be answered immediately but that they understand that we work for the Lord and on his time.

Merry Christmas everyone…..What good deed have you done??

My home is not “messy” it is “lived” in

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{When it arrives, it finds the house swept clean and put in order} ~Luke 11:25

I want so bad for this to be my house, but honestly it is not. I do good to sweep every other day, and to mop…why try their are dirty feet running in and out. I have laundry that needs to be folded and dishes waiting to be put away. But more importantly and what needs my immediate attention is my baby girl who is looking to see if I am watching her roll over and her first attempts at crawling and my big 5 year old girl who wants me to be proud that she remembers her memory verse and a new number song from school. And because to be those needs are more important and most important to keep my home happy that’s where I focus. Now I don’t mean that my house is a complete mess and I ignore it all, just that if you came over with no notice there are clothes on my couch, dishes in my sink and crumbs on my floors but there are smiles on my kiddos faces!!

I always heard “your home speaks volumes about you” <—what does that even mean?? My house doesn’t talk, unless those voices I have been hearing are just in my head…hehe. Let me try to interpret what my home is “saying” about my family; the leaves in my yard say my husband works way to much, my front door says we haven’t touched up the paint since we bought the place (busy with work and kids). Now that you have opened the door my living room says a lot as you step over the toys “there are happy, playful kids here” “they are well dressed” That is a lot of clothes on that couch, my kitchen says “many yummy family meals cooked here” you hear that from my dirty sink and the stuff (not sure what) on my tile floor. My hallway is full of smiles, now those walls have a lot to say, thanks to the crayon marks and all the memories plastered on them in size 8×10 and 11×14. Our rooms well they say “this is where everything goes to get lost” but these comfy beds are home to many sweet dreams! Ok so my house talk a lot, but hey I don’t mind because I know it is full of smiles, laughs and love!!!

Now with all this said, I am not giving up on finding the perfect balance so I can become that homemaker who can chase the kids, do the dishes and be a pintrest, soccer mom just that I am still learning. This is new to me, I was a career minded women for 5 years and within a day; literally (worked 7am-330pm on a Friday had my daughter the next day) I became the stay at home mommy to my 5 year old and my newborn. Then within 2 months she started kindergarten and I took on watching 3 other kids to help financially. But everyday I find it all easier, I have a great routine with all the kids and I have slowly added in a few house things and surprisingly I don’t feel as if I may lose it. And the only reason I have made it to this point in one piece is because I trust in God and pray he gives me the strength and patience, and my amazing supportive husband that knows it is a new adventure and doesn’t mind coming home to a little clutter and he has faith in me that I can do this!!!

#homemaker #Godisgood #stayathomemom #newtothis #messyhouse #pintrestmom