Growing Pains: Realizing my little girl isn’t so little

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Me: Walking into her bedroom to tuck her in, “What are doing baby girl?” As I watch her rustle around under her blanket.

Makayla: “nothing” she says as she pulls her cover up fast and puts her hands together, with one of those {I’m not telling you glares}

Me: “You were doing something”, my interest is raised…what could she be hiding. I walk towards her bed for a story and kisses.

Makayla: tensing up as I move closer, “Oh my knee was itchy mommy, I was just scratching it.”

Me: oh please let it be true……this can’t be {that} moment. I pull her blanket back (just to check her knee, it could be a rash,right). I go in for my hug then do the quick mommy maneuver and YES I CAUGHT YOU, oh no I did catch you. I hold up this little plastic Minnie Mouse as my eyes fill with tears because I just realized I caught my sweet little girl in a lie. “MAKAYLA, you lied to me! That hurts mommy, you know we can’t play with toys when its bedtime. Im taking this good night.” I try rushing out because my face feels hot and my eyes my start to leak.

Makayla: “Mommy you forgot my kiss…..you are going to still give me one, right?” 

Me: oh baby girl, still sweet just growing up. “Yes baby, sorry I forgot, love you sleep tight.”

I walk into my bedroom and look at my husband who is already in bed, he gives me this puzzled look and I toss him the toy. I simply say “shes growing too fast and I just caught her in her first lie lie” (you know what I mean, she came up with an excuse she could have stuck with nothing!) My darling of a husband just says “and you think this is the first?” I roll my eyes he doesn’t understand it but oh his time will come when she has her first crush.

This event keeps playing over and over in my head, why is it so hard for me to get a handle on this situation? Am I thinking to much? Taking it too serious? She is only six, it was harmless. But how do I make sure this doesn’t happen again? Did I handle it right? Why does my heart still ache? As these questions keep festering in my mind I simple think back to her baby and toddler days. I still see the girl who use to run around saying “you sue me” when we would scare her, and I see spiky pigtails. I often look over the young lady she is becoming. Those pigtails are being traded in for french braids, and her instead of pronouncing a whole word wrong she is learning how to read words.

And this little girl has blessed me beyond words, in ways she will never understand and a few that one day at the right time I will tell her. She has been my rock in times I thought I would surly shatter, her simple words often distracted me from thoughts that consumed me and she is a big reason I am the mom I am today. I often let my desire to control everything hold Makayla back from growing up, but as I see daily There is only so much as mommy you can do because they figure it out on their own. So that is way I want to encourage her to be the best her. I pray the God shows me how, what and takes away my need for the why.

As a mother you have to think [what kind of person do I hope they become], when I think of that I picture a kind, giving, strong, confident, successful, inspirational and loving person. Now who do I raise that??? Honestly, I have NO CLUE, there really isn’t a manual or a 101 class, so all I can suggest is to show them your love for God, let them see you rely on him, pray for people and things. I want my daughter to see me love others, to see not only myself but my husband too put Him in our marriage, in our decisions. For her to see that going to church isn’t just a thing we do on Sundays but a way of life, a lifeline for us, one that goes beyond those doors and into our relationships with other people. The fact is they will become who they become based on their environment, whether they choose to be like you or nothing like you well that’s not our decision but the right now is!! I choose to just love her with all my might and all my heart, because last night isn’t going to be the last {oh my mommy} moment and she will do things that hurt my heart and I have to stay strong and have faith that the Lord will help guide me daily and my husband will be there to wipe those few tears and reassure me!ImageImage

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