Change and My Greatest Fears


We’re counting down {days}, yep days until our newest addition arrives and the fear it brings me is unmeasurable as is my love for him already. I question my parenting daily, and often question why God thought I would make a good mom, why would He send me these children, trust me to raise them in the right way? When these thoughts start t overwhelm me I go to the word for comfort and reassurance.

My Favorite Mommy Verses:

  • “Every good and perfect gift is from above.” ~James 1:17
  • “Blessed is she who believed that the Lord would fulfill {HIS} promises to her.” ~Luke 1:45
  • “God bless mothers.” Philippians 4:19

Oh I could go on, there are so many that have gotten me through toddler tantrums, a messy house, days without any rest. Because of his word here we are having number 3!! His word comforts my fears and on my worst days I am reminded that I am a mom by NO MISTAKE!!! He choose me to raise these sweet children(who sometimes aren’t so sweet), he already knows where I will have my struggles, he knows my weaknesses as a mom but he still knew that I was the best choice for my kids, just as you are for yours!!! It blows my mind when I think about this, and it empowers me as a mom, encourages me to do better, allows me to forgive myself when I make a mistake.

Now about the change that a third child will bring…..

I really dislike change, it scares me. I don’t like feeling like I have no control, because no matter how vivid my dreams have been, I don’t know how he will fit into our daily routine or how the girls will react to him. Now I have researched so much about having a third, transition ideas for my girls and have even made busy boxes for our toddler and explained to M how being the oldest comes with great responsibility. And yes I was this nervous before number 1 and 2, and yes they are still alive, kicking and seem too have minimal damage….so far. So once again I go to God’s word for comfort.

Verses that get me through change:

  • “Be still and know that I am God.” ~Psalm 45:10
  • “She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future.” ~ Proverbs 31:25
  • “For with God nothing shall be impossible.” ~Luke 1:37

For the past month I have been fighting hard to truly give everything to God, and remove myself form the struggle. He knows my past and my future, so why worry?? So I have chosen to focus on what I can control, keeping up with my daily cleaning, making arraignments for our girls for the big day, making all our freezer crockpot meals. I have chosen to leave everything else up to him, because no matter what it’s his plans and I trust him!


Jesus, Dance, And Baby Appointments


I know I promised to be more on top of my blog but I allowed life to get in the way and got my priorities all backwards. I have always been one who likes to be busy, I don’t have a full plate it’s more like a BIG platter. And if it’s not full I question my worth and feel unneeded. But as the week closed I heard God saying “Ashlie, stop and be still. Don’t let things pass you by, your missing out on memories. Have faith in me and let your stress and feeling of being overwhelmed go.”  OH God I needed that, I know He has probably been yelling it at me and I kept choosing to ignore it, something I am working on!!

So what has me all crazy and running around like ElastiGirl??? Well it’s dance competition for my oldest daughter as well as spring recital is next month!! So we have been living at the studio, doing quick changes and I am now a pro with applying stage makeup and the tightest hair buns!!! d3She also turned 7!?!?! What?? That’s another blog post in itself….if I get to it. 🙂 We will remain busy with dance until the end of May. (Yes her bother is due in May) Very grateful that little sister loves the dance studio and they are laid back and can overlook my insane way to energetic almost 2 year old!! As well for the moms who have offered help to get M to dance after little man arrives.

We have hit the baby appointments every week…finally!! He seems to be head down and 4ish pounds, oh and will be here next month?!?!anderson35 The next few appointments will give us more answers to how were doing. I have been nesting like a mad woman, and with a toddler running around is not as easy as I remember last time around. HaHa! His nursery is about 95% done, diaper bag packed, I have my playlist ready, registered already at the hospital, arrangements for our girls and my labor plan printed. But still so much to do!!!! But I am remaining calm and listening to God taking it easy, the best I can.

So that brings me to Jesus. Even though I had slipped him to the backburner and often wasn’t checking in with him, he just waited quietly beside me. And in a very emotional, way to overwhelmed day, in the middle of my tears full of stress, I felt hid presence like a hug. All I could do is sob and whisper my apologies for taking control away. As always he renewed me through prayer, reassured of my path and current season of life and filled me hope and faith. We often get so busy, we forget he is the one guiding our ship even in the storms. There is a plan and he will ALWAYS make sure we make it to our destinations.

I want to be more intentional with him leading our ship as a family and as a single passenger on this voyage to Christ. I want to go to him in prayer for everything!!! To give him the glory on days I wake up and make it to bed in one piece and to the days I feel torn apart. I want to thank him for the good, the amazing, and the rough times because I know it’s the path he designed for me!!

So I challenge you to pick one thing to work on for the next month. It can be sticking to a bible study plan, really listening to the Holy Spirit in church, prayer, anything! But I promise in 30 days (I bet less) you will feel Him in ways you had forgotten or never have experienced. I pray for anyone reading my blog, that your journey with Christ be full of blessings, even when the season is gray and gloomy because the finish line is all that matters.

Baby Makes 5!!!!


So let’s start at the beginning……..

One week in back in September NOTHING fit!!!! Out of nowhere I no longer could squeeze into my jeans. I was telling my husband that I had to give in and wear a pair of maternity jeans, he jokingly says “maybe your pregnant!”, we both laugh at the sound of that.  But the rest of the week I kept thinking; maybe….what if…could I? Now understand that I have never been regular and I was nursing our 14 month old (which we had to use fertility treatments to conceive). So that next week I bought an early detection while we were out doing our grocery test, my husband rolled his eyes and I was convinced it’d be negative and I was just getting fat.

Well I couldn’t wait for the next morning, so while my hubby and kids were starting dinner I took one of the two test and waited….. I kept telling myself it wasn’t possible, it took a few years and assistance to conceive E, don’t get sad when its a big negative. I took a deep breath and walked to the sink to glance at the waiting test stick.

prego1 This is what I saw, I gasped and couldn’t form a thought for a few minutes. Next I took the test to my husband and the face was priceless, this blank-OMG, really?, Oh my what are we going to do face! prego2We told both our girls, M (our oldest) was jumping up and down, so excited. And E was confused at the thought of a baby in my tummy but loved everyone else’s excitement.

We found out at our appointment that I was 9/10 weeks along and the little peanut was a mover. This has stayed true the whole pregnancy, we always struggle to get good pictures because its like a jumping bean, and even in the beginning my OBGYN would go all over the place to get peanuts heartbeat. Maybe he will be calmer once he arrives??? haha yea that’s what the ultrasound tech said! We have two daughters so the sex of the baby was a big excitement for us. We want health first and foremost but we were pulling for team blue but we prepared ourselves if God gives us another girl. Everyone was guessing girl, and with all my 20 week bump pics side by side I looked the same. The tech asks us if were ready to know, with a deep breath that we held, we shook our heads yes.prego3We got our BOY!!!! We were overjoyed and still are. I find myself often looking at little boy clothes wondering how I am going to raise a little man. I have been a mom of girls for almost 7 years, I can do pink, have tea parties and enjoy ballet practice. Even my husband leads conversations about how different it will be, and I let him know its all him, he’s got that guy thing down…right?!?

Fast forward to today….we are almost 29 weeks along, only 79 days to go and excited to be starting our third trimester. We have his décor for his room picked, and some clothes, otherwise we are completely unprepared. :/ His room still has stuff that needs to be moved out from where we combined our girls into one room, paint colors are picked but not ready to go on the walls. I guess it’s this whole third child thing, I am crazy busy with my toddler and my oldest has dance and school so it just keeps getting put off. Right now we are covered with 13+” of snow, below 0 temperatures and now ice, you’d think Id have time to get a lot more done…WRONG, cabin fever has hit my kids and that exhaustion of the third trimester and being unable to get comfortable at night has hit me!! So this week I have taken it easy, since my oldest has been out of school all week and my driveway is impossible to get out of, but I have been making to do list! (my husbands favorite haha)  I have one taped to the fridge of our basic things to get done (nursery, bags packed, arrangements for our girls, etc)  then on his nursery door is everything that needs to be done to make it ready for him. I even have list of things I need to get or do, such as gifts for the girls, goodie bags for our nurses, big sister shirts with a little brother, etc.

So there you have it, you are caught up on all things baby! Hopefully soon I will be posting his nursery makeover!prego4

Yea I’m that blogger that fell of the face of the Earth….But I am back!


I promise I wasn’t on some sabbatical or hiatus, my computer crashed and I just kinda let life overwhelm me. I have felt ran down and like a dog chasing my tail for a year or so now; I think it just finally got me and now I am trying to refocus and start fresh.

So what’s new………

Let’s see, we are still living it up in Lexington…Go Big Blue! Hubby works like a mad man, but man I love that about him. Our oldest daughter M is full swing into dance practices as competition season is staring right as us. (I say this trembling, it’s our first year in competition.) We’ve had some struggles this year at school, but have been working hard with her teachers to push past them and help her succeed. Oh and she thinks she is 16 and the attitude!!! Man come on, all we can do is pray for ourselves and her, we’d hate to hurt her. (haha that’s a joke) Our youngest daughter E is 19 months old going on 6! She is in everything and I mean everything, no matter how tall or impossible we may think it is, its not for her!!! That child is going to cause me a heart attack!!!

I have worked really hard in this new year with all my focuses being around the word {Simple}, I want simplicity in all aspects of my life. After my struggle becoming a stay at home mom (that’s going to be another post) I just lost my grip and with that everything started spinning. So in December while I was reflecting on the past crazy year and the big failure of that years New Years resolutions, I knew I wanted a change, no I NEEDED a change. Not just for me, but for my family as well.

So what does that look like in the Paulin home???

  • first an foremost a refocus on Christ, being intentional with our girls, with our quite time, and in prayer. Not to mention be more focused on our roles in our church and provided for others in the best way we can. We signed up for a family class, that helps us realign our focus as a family to have all eyes on Christ and we are taking a marriage class because we both felt we needed to relearn how to put us first so we can then be better parents.
  • Finances, this is an area of struggle. When we went from two incomes to one without changing our habits, we found ourselves pinching everywhere and didn’t like it.
  • Health, I had let myself go and in that I started to let my family go. If I’m not taking good care of myself, there is no way I can take care of them! So I found my love of cooking again, and have been working hard on making it as healthy and tasty as I can. And the gym, I am addicted now, but at first not so much. I wake up at 5am just so I can go and be back before morning routine with the girls happen. I did say 5am…right?!?!
  • and lastly Organization, this is my biggest struggle I feel. I have found a daily cleaning routine I like and some days I actually complete it, but I am still trying to make it a habit. While working on reorganizing each room, closet and cabinet one at a time. My honest goal here is to just have a working routine down by the end of the year without skipping a beat.

Ok and the last update I have is…..were having a BABY!!!!

BUT you’ll have to what for all the details on that one in another blog coming soon! Now that you are yawning because I got winded and went on forever, here’s to a new year, a new you, a new me and growth of this blog to reach other God loving, busy mommies like me!

Marriage and Motherhood……My Journey


As I lay here watching my husband play with our daughters I think about how much marriage and motherhood have changed me. We all grow up with ideas of what kind of wives and mothers we want to be. We develop these ideas from the women in our lives, our mothers who remind us to always smile and be gentle, our grandmothers who remind us the importance of caring for your home, Aunts who show us how to have fun and many others. But I am thinking how different I am now from what I always pictured.

I was raised in a busy, loud, not perfect but loving home. My mother divorced my father when I was young, too young to remember, my father was not a part of my life as a child or teenager (we reunited when I was 20 and have a great friendship now). My mom remarried when I was very young to a man who taught me so much about love and acceptance, as this man adopted me and to this day you would never guess I am not of his blood. My daddy (who adopted me) was in the Navy until I was around 5ish so my mother was head of household since he was gone so much, I am blessed to have watched such a strong woman who taught me how to care for my home, care for brother and love my daddy. When my daddy got out of the Navy I was then front center to how a marriage can really go through so much and yet only get stronger. No matter how many times our family dynamic changed my parents showed us and each other love. My parents greatest life lessons that I hold onto and keep: 1)never go to bed made 2)always say I love you when you leave no matter the circumstances 2)always forgive. They sound so simple but in reality I have learned they can be hard.

My husband was raised in a large family that holds very close to family ties, something I cherish and consider an amazing blessing, as my family was always moving and far from one another. His parents have been married for over 30 years and work so well together. My husband without knowing most the time, brings so much of their marriage to life in ours, his parents taught him so much about sacrifice and love.

The hard thing is when you take two completely different ideas of marriage and you join it as one, as we did on May 27 2011. There is NO handbook, and it is true that what you have before you say “I do” changes. But whether those changes are good and easy or hard and trying is up to you. I will be the first one to admit my husband has his hands full; I am a headstrong, independent, loud mouth, stubborn woman. (I disclosed this all before our vows) He accepted that I had a difficult failed first marriage, and he accepted and gave all his love to my daughter who was two at the time we met. See thanks to his parents and how they raised him he opened his arms and heart to her, every date from the beginning has been family focused he was ok that there was very limited “us” time and for that I fell hard for him.  And as he accepted my …ummm… difficultness, I accepted the fact that he was a workaholic, way too tidy (oh yea don’t roll your eyes) man.  But after we wed, the hard stuff started, how do we make our marriage ours? How do we make what we loved about our parents’ marriage work for us? You know the person you married isn’t like your mom/dad but what does that look like in a marriage?


Our first two years of marriage my husband worked nights, this was very hard on us as it was new. I had moved two hours away from family and friends and then my husband was no longer “there”. He changed as a person from lack of sleep, he would try to stay awake for us and it would make things harder. In this time we decided we wanted to grow our family and then was hit with infertility. So many things made creating our marriage dynamic harder. At some point in all this madness we found a silver lining, our church, which eventually became a lifeline for us, our family away from family. Our loneliness was now bearable, we had something to look forward to; see we both shared a love for keeping church apart of our lives we just hadn’t found one that fit. After sometime we realized that every marriage is different and what makes each one unique are the situations that build or break it. We weren’t going to have exact marriages like our parents or others we saw, we were going to have OUR marriage and what it was made of was up to us!

Once this brilliant thought came into our mind, we stopped looking at everything in shades of black and grey and turned it into bright lights. We weren’t going to let rough times define us, but build our marriage; we made them stepping stones to the marriage we wanted. Instead of pulling us away from each other we ran into each other’s arms. We grew closer as friends and as husband and wife! We turned everything over to God, we asked Him to lead our marriage where He wanted it. We accepted everything as it was and stopped worrying and started enjoying all we had together. And guess what happened??? Everything started to fall into place, we were blessed with a pregnancy that lead to our youngest daughter Evelynn, he was able to return to days, I became a stay at home mom, and we are still in love with our church family that has led to many amazing friendships!

I know look at motherhood much the same way, I am not my mother and I am not my husband’s mother I am me, Ashlie-My daughters mother! And I am OK with that, we still take what we learned from our parents but we have made it work for us. Yes we still may struggle with figuring out what that means but the one thing we BOTH learned is that with love and patience you can’t go wrong. 

Photos by close friend and very talented Rachael at 

Growing Pains: Realizing my little girl isn’t so little


Me: Walking into her bedroom to tuck her in, “What are doing baby girl?” As I watch her rustle around under her blanket.

Makayla: “nothing” she says as she pulls her cover up fast and puts her hands together, with one of those {I’m not telling you glares}

Me: “You were doing something”, my interest is raised…what could she be hiding. I walk towards her bed for a story and kisses.

Makayla: tensing up as I move closer, “Oh my knee was itchy mommy, I was just scratching it.”

Me: oh please let it be true……this can’t be {that} moment. I pull her blanket back (just to check her knee, it could be a rash,right). I go in for my hug then do the quick mommy maneuver and YES I CAUGHT YOU, oh no I did catch you. I hold up this little plastic Minnie Mouse as my eyes fill with tears because I just realized I caught my sweet little girl in a lie. “MAKAYLA, you lied to me! That hurts mommy, you know we can’t play with toys when its bedtime. Im taking this good night.” I try rushing out because my face feels hot and my eyes my start to leak.

Makayla: “Mommy you forgot my kiss… are going to still give me one, right?” 

Me: oh baby girl, still sweet just growing up. “Yes baby, sorry I forgot, love you sleep tight.”

I walk into my bedroom and look at my husband who is already in bed, he gives me this puzzled look and I toss him the toy. I simply say “shes growing too fast and I just caught her in her first lie lie” (you know what I mean, she came up with an excuse she could have stuck with nothing!) My darling of a husband just says “and you think this is the first?” I roll my eyes he doesn’t understand it but oh his time will come when she has her first crush.

This event keeps playing over and over in my head, why is it so hard for me to get a handle on this situation? Am I thinking to much? Taking it too serious? She is only six, it was harmless. But how do I make sure this doesn’t happen again? Did I handle it right? Why does my heart still ache? As these questions keep festering in my mind I simple think back to her baby and toddler days. I still see the girl who use to run around saying “you sue me” when we would scare her, and I see spiky pigtails. I often look over the young lady she is becoming. Those pigtails are being traded in for french braids, and her instead of pronouncing a whole word wrong she is learning how to read words.

And this little girl has blessed me beyond words, in ways she will never understand and a few that one day at the right time I will tell her. She has been my rock in times I thought I would surly shatter, her simple words often distracted me from thoughts that consumed me and she is a big reason I am the mom I am today. I often let my desire to control everything hold Makayla back from growing up, but as I see daily There is only so much as mommy you can do because they figure it out on their own. So that is way I want to encourage her to be the best her. I pray the God shows me how, what and takes away my need for the why.

As a mother you have to think [what kind of person do I hope they become], when I think of that I picture a kind, giving, strong, confident, successful, inspirational and loving person. Now who do I raise that??? Honestly, I have NO CLUE, there really isn’t a manual or a 101 class, so all I can suggest is to show them your love for God, let them see you rely on him, pray for people and things. I want my daughter to see me love others, to see not only myself but my husband too put Him in our marriage, in our decisions. For her to see that going to church isn’t just a thing we do on Sundays but a way of life, a lifeline for us, one that goes beyond those doors and into our relationships with other people. The fact is they will become who they become based on their environment, whether they choose to be like you or nothing like you well that’s not our decision but the right now is!! I choose to just love her with all my might and all my heart, because last night isn’t going to be the last {oh my mommy} moment and she will do things that hurt my heart and I have to stay strong and have faith that the Lord will help guide me daily and my husband will be there to wipe those few tears and reassure me!ImageImage